I Am A Witness

Ok honestly, I haven’t watched a whole lot of Cavs games this year. I mean, it’s the East. Who cares.

But I turned on the Cleveland-Detroit game with about 30 seconds left in the 3rd quarter in what was a tie game…

And what I saw is the stuff legends are made of.

LeBron James completely took over that game and single handedly willed his team to their most important win of the season.

Fade aways. Cross overs. Threes. Strong drives. All of it. Anything LeBron wanted to do, there was nothing the Pistons could do to stop him. Not with one guy. Not even with a double team.

Here’s the numbers: James finished with 48 points on 18/39 from the field. Impressive, but that’s not the half of it. The dude scored 29 of Cleveland’s last 30 points in the 4th quarter and both overtimes… and scored the team’s last 25 straight.

Read that again… with 6 minutes left in the 4th quarter and in both overtimes, LEBRON JAMES SCORED 29 OF THEIR FINAL 30 AND THE TEAM’S LAST 25 POINTS. By himself. No one else.

That means once the Cavs hit 79 points, only 1 guy scored 1 point besides LBJ until they finished with 109 points.

I have watched a lot of hoops in my day. I’ve seen Jordan at his prime. I’ve seen Magic and Bird at their peaks.

I’m not saying LeBron is better than the 3 guys I just mentioned (he’s not), and each of those guys have put together better overall games than what James did on Thursday, but I have NEVER seen one player completely take over the game for that long of a stretch, let alone in a crucial game like that.

And I’m not getting carried away here already anointing this guy the second coming, after all this is the same guy who completely vanished from the court in the fourth quarters of Games 1 and 2 when Detroit won by 3 each time. And hey, why wasn't he this good in college?!?! Oh, my bad.

But to top off his historic performance (and whether you like the guy or not, it was most definitely that), when Craig Sager and his Technicolor dream coat caught up with James on the court after the game, as James stood there barely able to breathe looking like he was about to collapse, when Sager asked how he did it, all of Bron Bron’s answer involved one important word – “We.”

Good for him. I like that. Most of the other guys in the league should take notes. Maybe now, Scott Van Pelt will give Bron his chair back!

For the record, I’ll be rooting for Cleveland in the next game. Not because they deserve it (like I said, this is the East, who really cares), but for one simple reason – the Spurs matchup a whole lot better with them than we do with Detroit.

We can beat the Pistons. We’ll trounce the Cavs. GOSPURSGO!

Poker Night: Self Destruction (5/31/07)

Who: MJ, Murphy, Alex, Justin, Neil, Marlon, Jamal, Ellner, Blasucci, JK, Billy Britt, Adam Jordan, Raven, EA & Flack

Where: Casa de Bandy/Murphy

Last time around, I wrote it was easily the worst session of cards I had probably ever played in my life, which led to me being first out.

Last night was possible the best 3 hours of cards I have ever played……. followed by a half hour where I turned into a complete donkey and wasted 3 hours of effort in a matter of 2 hands. But we'll get to that in a bit…

The night started with some early fireworks between MJ and JK at the Lucy's pre-poker festivities. JK was on fire – and on the attack – against MJ's game, his children, his heritage and I think even his haircut. Shockingly, JK was actually not drunk yet, so consider it rare form.

Nevertheless, it was fun to watch the two of them argue back and forth sitting at the bar. Just ask Blasucci.

But before we even got to Lucy's, back in the friendly confines of Trailer E, Alex had said he was making his triumphant return to the poker table, however, insisted that he wouldn't rebuy if he was playing like crap.

"Only if I'm playing well and get knocked out late," I think was the quote.

Yeah, so much for that.

Alex played the first 5 hands, each one of which involved a nice size raise and call. He was out in 10 minutes. Rebought, and was out for good 5 minutes later.

Good times.

Can't say much for the other table, but over at our featured table, there were some big swings early.

The chip lead swung back and forth from Bill to Justin to MJ and eventually to yours truly, where it stayed and got REAL big until we hit the final 3. Damn you Murphy!

Hit a huge hand against Ellner early on – GO ROYALS!

I get pocket nines. Blinds are 150/300. I make it 600. Ellner and Bill call. Flop comes 939. Ellner goes all in. Bill folds. I take Ellner's chips with quads.

Can't really say what happened most of the night as I was trying to watch the Spurs game while playing, so we'll fast forward to the final table.

Final table: MJ, EA, Murphy, Neil, Ellner, JK, Marlin, Jamal (Me and Murphy commanding chip leaders)

The line of the night was courtesy of Murphy. He and I get into a hand. I've got 10, 6 spades and end up hitting a flush on the river. Raise it to $2,000. He calls.

"That's cute," he says.

Yeah, I thought so too. Don't worry, you'll get the chips back in about an hour.

Suck out of the night: We're down to 4. Neil raises. Murphy and Jamal fold. I go all in and have Neil well covered. He calls and flips A4. I flip A5. 4 hits the flop. 5 hits the river. We've got our final 3.

At this point, I've got probably about 30,000 in chips. Murphy has about 15,000 and Jamal I'd say about 10,000 (correct me if I'm wrong fellas).

Of course I'm telling myself just wait until Jamal gets into a hand with Murphy before you play anything.

A second shot of tequila later and that all went straight out the window.

I get K5 (5 is a diamond). Flop comes AK3 all diamonds. Murphy goes all in. For the life of me couldn't figure out what to do. I'm thinking he likely has an Ace. I know he doesn't have the flush or he would've sucked me in. I've been running hot all night so figure I'll gamble.

He flips K8 (8 is a diamond). Nothing comes. Chip lead swings to Murphy in a big way.

Couple hands go by with no real outcomes and then the EA implosion.

I get Q3 in small blind. I call the big. Jamal folds. Murphy checks.

Flop comes A34. I check. Murphy checks.

Turn is a 6. I figure I can steal the blinds here… I know Murph doesn't have an Ace and if I put him in for half his stack, its gonna have to be a monster to call. Since he checked the flop, I figure he doesn't have it. I go all in. He calls.

Flips 46. Two pair. River is nothing.

In two hands, I give away 35,000 in chips and am sent home with my tail shoved up my arse. But hey, you try and bluff and bully all night, at some point you're gonna get caught.

Right Jerry K.?

And by the way, I don’t think Jamal played a hand when it went down to three. Nice patience kid. Next time, lend me a little would ya!

Last hand (as told by the night's big winner): Jamal calls the big blind with 99. Murphy checks with 34. Flop comes 5, 4, 2. Jamal bets 3,000. Murphy calls. Turn is a 4. Jamal goes all in. Murphy calls and we've got ourselves a winner.

1st – Murph
2nd – Jamal
3rd – Me

Tony Romo Channels Alanis Morissette

Sometimes life imitates art. And sometimes, irony is just a sonofabitch.

I'm not sure the Miss Universe pageant qualifies as art, but when guest judge Tony Romo revealed his question for one of the finalists, it was irony personified.

Romo (aka the current Mr. Carrie Underwood) asked one of the finalists…

"If you could relive one moment in your past, what would it be and why?"

Gee I don't know Tony, you're not still thinking about the fumbled snap against Seattle in the playoffs are you?

Nah, couldn't be. I'm sure Cowboys fans are thrilled that you are still reliving that nightmare on a daily basis. Nice question.

Isn't it ironic, don't you think? It's like raaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Pig Soooooeeeeyyyy!

Nope, it's not a scene from "Lost." That's a real hog. No, really.

From the AP news wire...

"MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) -- An Alabama boy has used his revolver on an enormous wild boar, killing the animal and sending the youngster on his way to 15 minutes of fame. Or more.

Eleven-year-old Jamison Stone used a .50 caliber revolver to kill the pig at a commercial hunting preserve in east Alabama about three weeks ago. Stone, his father and two guides tracked the pig, but bagging the swine took about three hours of chasing through hilly woods before a final shot at point blank range brought it down for good.

Stone's father, Mike Stone, says the animal weighed more than a thousand pounds and was more than nine feet long. The tusks measured five inches. It took heavy equipment to transport the animal out of the woods. The head went to a taxidermist. The rest is headed for the sausage factory. The Stones could net 500 to 700 pounds of sausage meat."

Well hopefully, that's enough to feed the Stones' entire trailer park.

**Memo to self: don't buy any sausage that comes from Alabama.

Who Does Number Two Work For?

Best. Sign. Ever.

Who knew those crazy Euro soccer fans were such big fans of number two?

Crazy Europeans.

The New Sickness: D-Will, The Ladies' Thrill

Sorry for my recent absence. You don't have to say it… I know you missed me. No real inspiration lately. So here's my thoughts on some random stuff...

In case you missed Game 1 or you stopped watching the NBA awhile ago, Deron Williams is sick.

And here I thought Dee Brown was the reason the Illini were such a force. Who knew?!?

D-Will dropped 34 pts, 9 ast and 7 rebs on us in Game 1… and that's after only 8 pts in the first half. Too bad Utah can't clone him.

Carlos Boozer finished with decent numbers, but most were when this game was already over...forget the score, this game was never close.

Sadly, Jerry Sloan might need to resurrect the ghost of Stockton-Malone to stop the Spurs from doing whatever they want to do.

It didn't take long for Tim Duncan to get a list of Utah's bigs in foul trouble. They couldn't stop him in Game 1, they won't stop him the rest of the series. How this team took 2 out of 4 games against us this season is beyond me.

The Jazz will be lucky to win a game against the Spurs.

...

On the other side of the NBA hemisphere, I'm surprised by how close the Cavs kept it against the Pistons. I'm not sure if I overrated Detroit or underrated Cleveland. Probably a little of both.

And while the Cavs have to be encouraged they hung in there despite Bron Bron's worst playoff game ever (10 points), does it really matter? Regardless of who comes out of the East, we all know the trophy is headed to the Alamo city.

But for all those bashing LeBron for passing up that final shot, you can stop. If Donyell knocks down that wide open 3 from the corner, we are hailing King James today with praise of his unselfishness and court vision.

Instead, we're slamming his lack of killer instinct. Enough already.

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As if Michael Vick's pet problems weren't enough, now Clinton Portis wants to try and defend the guy.

"I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it's his property, it's his dog," Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis told WAVY-TV in Virginia. "If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business."

Really, dude? I mean, REALLY?

There is no defense for someone who raises animals to rip each other's faces off for entertainment purposes. It's sick and there is no justification. End of story.

C-Port, keep your mouth shut bud. We always knew you weren't the smartest cookie, now we know you're a complete moron. I can't believe you were on my fantasy team. I thought I taught you better than this.

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Ok seriously, what the hell is going on with the NFL?

Pacman Jones.
Chris Henry.
Tank Johnson.
Michael Vick.
A.J. Nicholson.
Now, even the white boys are getting in on the fun as a judge ordered Broncos WR David Kircus on Tuesday to stay away from the man he is suspected of assaulting at a weekend party.

Between all these jokers, HBO already has their cast lined up for the next installment of "Oz."

Knock it off and play football. How hard is that to do? Here's an idea… get a PlayStation and stay home!

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NBA Lottery is tonight. Could care less who wins, although wouldn’t it be sweet karmic justice for the Knicks to win and the Bulls to take their pick (how's that Eddy Curry deal working out for you guys?). The hits just keep on coming for Zeke.

But whoever wins, if Greg Oden isn't the pick, the GM should be fired on the spot.

Kevin Durant will be good. Oden will be great. And coming from a lifelong Buckeye hater, it takes a lot for me to say that. The Big O is that good.

But because I've never been one to turn down a shot at a prediction, I'm going with Seattle (8.8% chance to win) to get the lucky ping pong ball.

...

Bar none, this is the greatest week of television I can remember in recent history.

Monday – "Heroes" finale (even though it was sub-par at best. Grade: C-)
Tuesday – Game 2 of Spurs/Jazz (is a prediction really necessary. Ok fine, keep reading…)
Wednesday – "Lost" season finale. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS!

As for Thursday?

Forget TV, I'll be sitting in the friendly confines of Wrigley West – aka Petco Park in San Diego. Making the annual pilgrimage south to watch my Cubbies get well against the Pads. Should be fun. I get Chris Young vs Jason Marquis… gonna be a tough match-up.

And lastly for all you "American Idol" fans out there… go Jordin! If that beat-boxing doofus wins, it's a sad day for the recording industry.

Plus, how can I root against my girl from 'Zona?!?

Poker Night: Twos Are Wild! (5/18/07)

Who: Flack, Murphy, Bandy, Neil, Lewis, Blasucci, Rohac, EA, MJ & Jerry K.
Where: The Half de Flack

Without a doubt, the worst hour of cards I've played, maybe in years. Every instinct was wrong. Every call was bad. Every fold should've been played. So it will come as no surprise, yours truly was first out – only to return a short while later to play with Bandy's money. More on that in a second.

Out of the first 15 hands at our table, an Ace hit the board at least 12 times. Lesson: if you didn't have an Ace, don't play garbage.

If only I knew then what I know now.

On the second hand, Neil took me out. I went all in with 67 suited (board was A, 7, 3) against Neil, who I was certain had an A to pair the board, but figured on a low kicker and a fold to an ALL IN bet. Didn't happen. He called. I re-bought. Should've saved the extra $20. Was out again soon thereafter.

Apparently, I'm known for playing garbage. Who knew?

A few notes/observations of the game as the night's first spectator…

- Lewis slow plays AA and gets Neil into a hand. Lewis goes ALL IN. Neil calls. Lewis doubles up.

"I played those aces perfectly," Lewis says. Of course you did son. Of course you did.

- Big hand later on where Bandy gets 2s (remember, this blog is called TWOS ARE WILD for a reason) and goes ALL IN. Lewis calls with 10s. Neil calls with AJ. Two jacks hit the board – unfortunately for Neil, so does a 2 to give Bandy the boat. Bandy triples up. Neil wins side pot against Lewis to stay in the game. Nice hand.

- When Bandy has to run out (who does that mid-poker game?!?), I sit in to play with his chips. Play about 4 hands. Win him about $300. Make a questionable fold with KQ offsuit to a $500 raise. Should've played it. Didn't want to gamble with his money. Probably could've made him more.

- Shots of Morgan's, even when chilled, is a BAD idea. Sorry Flack.

- Final table: MJ, Neil, Lewis, Bandy, Murphy, Jerry K. (Can't really tell ya what happened after that cuz my ass went home, so I'm relying on those who were there to tell the story…)

- If MJ's favorite number wasn't 2 before last night, it should be now. He took Blasucci out with A2 over Jeff's AQ (ironically, this was the exact same two hands that I took MJ out on last week). He took Rohac out with K2, when Rohac tried to buy the pot with nothing. MJ put him on AJ (with neither on the board)… he was right. Nice read. Nice call.


- Final two: MJ & Murphy. MJ has dominating chip lead. Offers a semi-chopped pot. Murphy insists he's "a double up away from being back in it." They play a few hands. MJ gets 82 suited. Murphy raises pre-flop with Q,10 suited. MJ calls. Flop comes 2, 2, Q. MJ checks. Murphy goes all in... and loses all his chips.

1st – MJ
2nd – Murphy
3rd – Bandy (where's my 10 percent cut son?!?)

I'm already itching for next week boys. Redemption be thy name!

Spurs 88, Suns 85

Good game.

Bye Bye Balboni

Few random notes for a Wednesday morning...

Regardless of who you're rooting for, Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw deserved to be suspended. You leave the bench area during an altercation, it's 1 game. That's it. If you want to argue the rule, that's one thing. But a rule is rule, regardless of regular season or playoffs.

On the flip side, Robert Horry also deserved to be suspended, but 2 games is too much for a hard foul. I mean come on, he was just doing what we all wanted to do – shove that little Canadian to the floor!

I've always been a Big Shot Rob fan, now I like him even more.

Man, we gotta win tonight! Can't let the Suns off the hook the Commish put them on.

GOSPURSGO!

...

Congratulations to Chicago Bears 4th-round pick Garret Wolfe. The 5'7" RB out of Northwestern became the first out of 155 players to sign a contract with his new team.

GOBEARSGO!

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Carlos Zambrano gets absolutely torched by the lowly Pirates last week and then bounces back against the high-powered Mets, tossing 8 innings of 1 run baseball leading the Cubs to a 10-1 victory in the Big Apple on Tuesday.

And guess what, Sweet Lou knew it was coming. Check out this Scouts, Inc note from Sunday…

May. 13 : Manager Lou Piniella watched Zambrano's side session Saturday and predicted a new look in his next outing Tuesday, reports the Chicago Tribune. "He's working on shortening his arc a little bit and staying closed a little longer," Piniella said. "Makes everything more compact, and what you'll see from now on is a more aggressive pitcher."

How bout that! Huge win for the Cubbies... and a huge start from Big Z on both of my fantasy teams.

Ellner, if you're reading this (and we both know you are) you're doomed on both our bets. Just pay up now.

For those out there reading this, a Royals fan I work with bet me $50 the Cubs wouldn't finish .500 and another $50 the Royals would finish within 15 games of the Cubs.

Not happening. I'll let you out right now for $75 total.

GOCUBSGO!

...

Since it's a rare occasion we're EVER on the topic of the Royals, today's Stat Of the Day comes straight from Kansas City (courtesy of Mr. Phil Dvorak and his famous fan club)…

No player in the history of the KC Royals organization has ever hit over 36 HRs in a season. Never. Not once. Steve Balboni hit a whopping 36 in 1985.

...

And finally, congrats to the Utah Jazz. I'm sure the team is happy their summer vacation has been postponed for a week until they get bounced by the Spurs/Suns winner. At least the Warriors can start relaxing.

Win Some, Lose Some

I hate the Phoenix Suns.

On a lighter note, I'm officially engaged.

That's all I got for now.

Weekend Roundup (5/14/07)

Before I get started on the weekend that was in sports, I have officially declared the Dallas Mavericks as the Brad Lidge of the NBA.

Why, you ask? Find out in my new article posted on Sports Central. CLICK HERE to check it out.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging…

For all the talk of what a bunch of whiners the Spurs are, I have never seen a team collectively complain more than the Suns did on Saturday night. Yes, nobody does the wide-eyed “Wasn’t me!” better than my boy Duncan. And no one flops like Ginobili (Man, I wish he’d quit that. He’s too good to be doing that crap). But every time Phoenix missed a shot on Saturday, tears and a temper tantrum ensued. Last week I said I couldn’t think of a more annoying coach than Mustache Mike D’Antoni. It seems his team has taken on his same grating persona.

By the way, Amare Stoudamire is an idiot and I’m sure most of his teammates would agree. You beat the Spurs down in game 2 and promptly fire off some Grade-A bulletin board material saying we’re a dirty team.

Thanks Stouda-whiner… it’s just what we needed. Hope you enjoy watching the Finals from home.

Spurs will win Game 4 at home to take a 3-1 lead and all but end the Suns’ season.

...

Another quick note on this whole "Spurs are Dirty" crap... I would agree some of Bruce Bowen's techniques are questionable. That's why he's in the NBA. To find ways to annoy and get under the skin of the other team.

But since when does one guy's actions make the entire team dirty? I love that this is coming from fans of the same team where Raja Bell absolutely clothes-lined Kobe in the playoffs last year.

How quickly we forget.

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The Pistons and Cavs finally tasted postseason defeat this weekend thanks to the Bulls and Nets, respectively. Too little, too late for the Bulls. Their season ends on Tuesday. But don’t be surprised if the Nets come back and knock out Cleveland. They’ll tie the series at 2-2 on Monday. From there, I’ll take New Jersey’s experience over the James Gang’s lack thereof.

...

Chicago Bears DT Tank Johnson is now a free man after serving 60 days behind bars. He was originally ordered to serve 120 days, but was let out early for good behavior.

Forgive me if I’m not jumping for joy just yet. With a meeting scheduled this week with new NFL sheriff Roger Goodell, after the hefty suspensions handed down to Pacman Jones and Chris Henry, I’m not so sure we see the Tank suiting up for my Bears anytime soon.

...

Lastly, a quick hit from the “Where Are They Now” department: Former Ohio State star-turned-St. Louis Rams backup QB Joe Germaine currently leads the Arena Football League in passing yards (3,747) and TDs (79) for the Utah Blaze.

And while we’re on the topic of the AFL (for likely the first and last time in That’s What HE Said history), this weekend’s Stat Of the Day…

Colorado Crush WR Damian Harrell has caught a TD in 77 straight games. 77!

They only play 16 games a season here people… that’s a TD in every game of the past 4-plus seasons.

By comparison, the NFL record for most consecutive games with a receiving TD is 13 by Jerry Rice (1986-87).

Poker Night (5/9/07)

Who: MJ, Jamal, Rohac, Murphy, Bandy, Jerry K., Lewis, JD, EA & Flack
Where: Casa de Bandy/Murphy

10 came. 3 walked out with cash. A quick recap of last night's game...

1st - Lewis/EA (chopped pot)
3rd - JD

JD played every hand. Shocker.

Lewis spent every hand analyzing people. Equally shocking.

I caught cards all night. I mean, all night. A retarded donkey could've won with the cards I was getting. Won some big pots early. Built my stack and was able to make bully raises and some questionable calls that worked out (see below).

Random highlights of the night (as told to me by folks who remember better than I do)...

- JD taking all of Jamal's chips on the very first hand with QQ vs AJ. Brutal.

- Murphy goes all in with pocket 7s. Hits trips on the flop says, "I missed my 7." Um, that would be a negative proctor. Hit it and hit it big. River gave him quads. Nice hand.

- Me beating MJ's trip 9s with a full boat. And then knocking him out when he raised pre-flop with AQ suited. I re-raised. He went all in. I called with A2 off suit (strictly a big stack call...and powered by Pacifico) and hitting a 2 on the turn. Sorry kid.

- Very next hand, Rohac goes all in with AA after hitting trips on the flop. I call on a flush draw…and hit it. Holy cow.

If I remember anything else, I'll add it. Fellas, if you got anything you want me to add, send it over.

S.O.D. (5/9/07): And Then There Was One...

With his home run off of Tom Glavine on Tuesday, it left August 5 as the ONLY day of the regular season Barry Bonds has never homered on.

Bonds faces the Padres on August 5 in pitcher-friendly PETCO.

Tuesday's bomb was also for first for Bonds off of Tom Glavine in the last 10 years (32 ABs).

As a side note, in my much heralded 10 BOLD PREDICTIONS from the beginning of the season, I predicted Bond would break the HR record on my birthday – August 4.

Although at the pace he's on now (just 10 shy of Hammerin' Hank), June 4 seems more likely, which ironically is my girlfriend's birthday... so happy birthday Shelly!

Ok, I'm done fabricating ironic and fascinating scenarios now.

To be continued...

Double Dose Of S.O.D. (5/8/07)

Today's Stat of the Day (crowd goes wild!!!!)….

B.J. Upton is only the third player in the last 42 years to hold at least a share of the league lead in batting average… AND strikeouts on the same day!

Going into Tuesday's games, he's currently hitting .371 with 37 Ks in 97 ABs.

The only two other guys to accomplish the rare feat – Andres Galaragga in 1998 and George Foster in 1979.

Long live the Elias Sports Bureau! How they keep track of it all, I'll never know.

...

And since sharing is caring, another goodie...

May 8 and August 5 are the only two days of the regular season Barry Bonds has never homered on.

He faces Tom Glavine tonight who has given up 6 home runs this season.

Weekend Roundup (5/6/07)

Gee, what should I start with today? Oh, I don’t know… maybe the Spurs marching into Phoenix and stealing home court from the Suns.

Works for me…..WOO HOOO!

Coming into the game, the Spurs were 2-12 this season when allowing their opponents to score over 100. Make it 3-12. Of course, if you were watching ABC’s broadcast, you know this because they showed this stat at least a dozen times down the stretch as the Suns were approaching the century mark. Wishful thinking for the network no doubt, as run-and-gun is much more marketable than lock ‘em down defense in the Finals.

Better luck to the ABC suits next time.

As we all know, the Suns play zero defense and had absolutely no answer for TD in the post or TP coming off the high pick n’ roll… unless Steve Nash was dropping head butts on our little Frenchie.

Speaking of which, I am in no way dismissing the significance of a bleeding Nash sitting on the sidelines for most of the last few minutes of the game. We couldn’t stop him. If we backed off, he hit the shot. When we were up on him, he went right around us. Thanks to the blood and to the inability of the Suns’ cutman for not being able to stop the gushing. If Nash is in there, could’ve been a very different outcome.

Could’ve. But it’s not. One down, three to go for the boys in black.

By the way, when did Mike D'Antoni become such a whiner? Not sure who the hell he thinks he is, but as a man who has won nothing as a coach, he should really just shut the hell up. Him and his mustache are annoying.

…

The Rocket has landed in the Bronx. Not surprised. The day his buddy Andy Pettitte left the Astros, for all intents and purposes, so did Roger. And while he will no doubt provide a much needed boost to an ailing rotation, Yankee fans shouldn’t be planning their postseason celebrations just yet. Yes, I know it’s Roger Clemens. I’m not gonna bash the guy and look like an idiot. The guy is arguably the second greatest starting pitcher my generation has ever seen behind only Nolan Ryan.

But, he’s also about to turn 45 and hasn’t thrown a meaningful pitch in the last 9 months. Hard-pressed to think he can come right in and dominate. I think it will take him a few starts to get it going… Yankee fans just have to hope it’s not too late by the time he finally does.

Mark him down for 9 wins from here on out.

…

Along with 90 percent of the country, I watched the Mayweather – De la Hoya fight on Saturday. As usual, the fight didn’t live up to the hype but the judges got it right (at least the 2 who scored it for Mayweather -- what fight was the other guy watching?!?). And for those who say Oscar got robbed, standing there throwing 100 punches that glance off of your opponent does not mean you are controlling the fight.

Oscar was throwing garbage flurries trying to steal rounds, and kudos to the judges for not letting him.

Meanwhile, Pretty Boy was controlled in his punches, opting for quality over quantity as he always does.

Don’t buy the retirement for a second. He’ll be back. Hopefully to beat down Oscar again. The pay day will be too high to say no to.

…

In my 10 Bold Predictions from the start of the baseball season, I said the St. Louis Cardinals would finish fourth in the NL Central. With news that Chris Carpenter will miss AT LEAST the next 3 months, I’m starting to look like a very wise man. I’ll bet you $2 Carp doesn’t pitch again this season.

…

The closer Barry Bonds get to 755, the more I’m okay with it all. We all know he cheated. We all know he’s a real asshole. But no matter how you slice it, it’s a remarkable record and it’s about to be all his. Might as well come to terms with it.

…

Lastly, more evidence I shouldn’t bet on things I know nothing about… my pick to win the Derby was Cowtown Cat (19-1 odds).

I was already formulating my brilliant “How the hell did you know?” victory speech when the horse was in 2nd after ¼ mile… still thinking I can come out looking like a stinking genius when the Cat was 3rd at the half mile mark… and couldn’t do a damn thing but laugh when the horse finished dead last.

Unbelievable.

Five For Friday

Happy Cuatro de Mayo everyone!

Before I get going with today's tidbits, the That's What HE Said news room just heard reports that a small plane carrying rap impresario Jay-Z may have crashed in the Smoky Mountains near Asheville, NC.

Authorities have confirmed a plane carrying 4 people did go down in the area, with 3 dead, but have not yet confirmed if Jigga was on the flight.

Thoughts and prayers to anyone who might have been involved, whether it's Jay or not.

Stay connected for updates as we get them.

And in what can't be anything but an awkward transition, let's talk the wonderful world of sports (after all, isn't that what sports is for? To let our minds escape this sort of thing. It's better than anything a doctor can prescribe)...

- One Thing NOT Going On My TiVo - HBO has announced it is working on a six-part miniseries about the Boston Red Sox 2004 championship season. Apparently the series will be based on the book written by Stephen King and someone named Stewart O'Nan who wrote down their feelings about every game that season.

Um, ok. Nice timing.

This might have been interesting, oh I don't know, three years ago when it happened.

My question is will anyone outside of New England have any desire whatsoever to watch this?

If you disagree, leave a comment and let me know. I'd love to know if I'm the only one who could give two craps about watching this (Bill and Seth, you guys don't count. Crazy chowdah heads!)

- Break Up The Warriors! – I'm not even sure what to say here. I am truly stunned, not just that the Mavs were sent packing, but the manner in which the Warriors bounced them from the playoffs. If you watched this series and had no idea what the seeds were, you would've thought GS was the #1 and the Mavs were the West bracket bottom feeders. Kudos to Don Nelson. Throughout the series, he dictated the tempo, the style and the size of the game and Dallas was unable to match any of it.

Frankly, I don't think Utah or Houston will be able to matchup with the run and gun style either, so early congrats to the Boys from the Bay on making it to the Western Conference Finals (what kind of odds do you think you could've gotten on that one?!?).

That's where the ride ends. Spurs or Suns will mop them up. Having said that…

- Time For The Suns To Set – Is it just me, or do the Spurs have to go through the Suns every year? As a professed Spurs fan, it seems the desert dwellers are often the ones standing in our way on a march to the title. Thankfully, this is the playoffs. And that means defense always wins. And thankfully, the Suns play none of it and my Spurs, well, I hear they're pretty good at that sort of thing. I mean hey, #1 in the league has to count for something, right? Yeah, not too shabby. But it won't be easy and, in fact, this Suns team worries me more than any of the Suns squads from years past. By the way, the winner of this series waltzes to the title. But since I've got $100 with my AZ boy Richie that says Suns don't make the Finals and another fitty with my Access Hollywood boy MJ on the Spurs winning this series, I'm not about to waiver in my confidence. Long series. Good series. Spurs in 7.

- Brian Bruney Rules! – My allegiance to players not wearing Cubbie blue usually begins and ends with my fantasy teams. But there's always room for one more, and Yankees middle reliever Brian Bruney is welcome at my house for dinner anytime. So why the love for a guy who's pitched just 30 forgettable innings over the last two seasons? Because anyone who watched last night's game between Texas and the Yanks watched Bruney bean Sammy Sosa right in the ear hole, causing an entire nation of Cubs fans to grin, chuckle and mutter a "Ha!" under their collective breaths. I'm not a guy that roots for injury – ever. But watching Sammy take one to the dome is God's way of showing all of us who respect the game and the way it should be played that he still loves us.

***Our newsroom just confirmed through one of Jay-Z's reps it was in fact not him on the plane. Jay-Z was on a plane this morning to Vegas for the De La Hoya – Mayweather fight, but he was not on the plane that went down. Like I said, thoughts and prayers to those who weren't so fortunate.***



- Let The Kid Be - And finally, a quick note on the Josh Hancock autopsy results. My heart sank when the news broke alcohol was found in his system. It was the last thing his family or the Cardinals organization needed. He was 29. He's dead. Just let him and his family be.

Have a great weekend everyone! And go Floyd Mayweather!!! Kick the crap out of that pretty boy!