The Perfect Pats

Well hey y’all. Nice to see all of you again.

So much has happened since we last spoke.

Hannukah came and went. The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future all paid their yearly visits. Jamie Lynn Spears went from the least messed up Spears to battling Britney for the Crown of Craziness (although if you ask me, mom Lynne takes the cake).

Oh, and the New England Patriots just capped off a perfect season.

Because they were bludgeoning people so badly along the way, I’m not entirely sure this feat is receiving the merit it deserves.

This may be one of those accomplishments that sets in with sports nation as a day or two passes.

Usually when something this big in sports happens, the text messages between my sports brethren and myself begin to fly around, filling our living rooms with beeps, fight songs, catchy 80s tunes or just a simple vibration – depending on your ring tone pleasure.

But other than my buddy Seth “I Switched My Allegiance From The Red Sox To The Cardinals When I Moved To St. Louis But I’m Still A Pats Fan Cuz Let’s Be Honest Who Could Really Root For The Rams” Doria of The Left Calf fame, I heard nothing from nobody.

Then again, it’s the holidays. Or at least it was the holidays. Does New Years count when you say “the holiday season”? I’ve never been able to figure that one out. It’s certainly festive, but is it really a holiday?

Anyhoo, I digress… back to the subject at hand – the Patriots of New England.

They just went 16-0. First team ever.

Even the “legendary” Dolphins didn’t win 16. They only played 14 games back then. I’m not saying one team is better than the other (***cough***Pats would’ve beat the Phins by 30***cough***)… I’m just sayin’.

By the way, now that their hallowed record has fallen, do the members of the ’72 Dolphins still drink the champagne they save until each unbeaten falls year after year?

Actually, this might be the best reason they’ve had to drink in three decades. Again, I’m just sayin’.

But back to the game.

I was actually rooting for the Giants at the outset. Was watching the beginning of the game while on the treadmill at the gym (yes you read that right, I was at the gym. Trust me, it’s as weird for me to say as it is for you to hear).

And clearly, I wasn’t the only one. When Plaxico Burress caught the deep ball over the middle over Ellis Hobbs, a few roars emerged from the churning exercise bikes, treadmills and weird gliding machines.

And as the Giants built an impressive 12-lead with a quarter to play, it became more possible than preposterous that the Pats were about to meet their match for the first time this season.

Then the slow self-destruction of the Giants slowly unfolded. If you’re a Giants fan, I feel for you. It was painful to watch.

And as the Pats began to entrench their name atop the NFL record books, I was actually pretty happy for them. Not from a fair-weather mentality, but more from a realization that if they were going to fall short of the record, I wanted to see a team play a perfect game to beat them, and that certainly is not what the Giants were doing down the stretch.

So hats off to Tom Brady and crew. Regardless of who you’re rooting for, it’s always cool to witness history.

But before we put a bow on this puppy (keeping with the holiday theme), a few thoughts on the game and the Pats season:

- As soon as the Patriots took the lead in the fourth quarter it was over. Why? Since 2001, the Pats have had the lead 85 times in the fourth quarter. They’ve lost once. Once! They’re now 84-1 in those games. Remarkable.

- In a league where upsets happen week in and week out (after all, as Boomer says “This is why they play the games’) not once did the Pats fall prey to an underdog. Even the league’s worst teams are made up of some of the best athletes in the world. To face 16 hungry opponents and beat them all is truly amazing.

- It’s long been said bad teams beat themselves. It’s true. Well the Pats aren’t a bad team and they definitely don’t beat themselves. In fact, they’ve won 48 straight games when they’ve won the turnover battle. Again, amazing.

- I hate Randy Moss. I don’t care what records he breaks, he’s a bum. You get paid way too much to EVER take a play off.

- Speaking of #81…. If you take away all of his 23 TDs this year from Tom Brady, Brady would still have tossed a respectable 27 TDs this season. That’s still more than all but 5 other NFL QBs. Pretty good.

- Lastly, if those aforementioned Dolphins are looking for someone to send hate mail to, may I suggest Jets coach Eric Mangini. Think the whole “Spygate” crap had anything to do with the Pats’ blow ‘em out at all costs mentality this season? Nahhhh, couldn’t be. Nice job genius.

Well, that's all I've got. I know it was long, but it's been awhile so thanks for bearing with me.

Hope the holidays were as great for you as they were for me. And if anyone doesn't have any New Year's plans yet, feel free to join my beautiful fiancee and I at The Lobster on Santa Monica Pier followed by a Guitar Hero marathon back at the house.

LONG LIVE THE AVOCADOS! (ask me later, I'll explain).

HAPPY NEW YEARS!